They cast WHO?!?!?!?

My dear readers, it is official. I have learned that my nemesis, Lord D'Arcy and his co-conspirator, my other nemesis Jay Cobbler, have decided to cast my ULTIMATE nemesis Gerik, in his Don Juan sequel. He will play opposite Christine and the opera is scheduled to open the season this Fall. All my enemies have united against me! Surely this is some test of my resolve, pitting me against so many foes. Or perhaps I've landed in a Batman movie. I haven't decided quite yet.

Investigations have also weeded out casting notices, shedding light on the characters and more in this sham of an opera:

Seeking

Don Juan:
Caucasian man, 25 - 29. Recently rescued from Hell, he burns with the flames of hot, naked sexuality as he ravishes the Mediterranean coast as "The F*cking Bandit" and rises to become the maestro of a hedonistic pleasure resort called the Electric Boogaloo. Must possess effortless sensuality and sexuality. Chest hair a plus. Singing voice optional. STARRING ROLE.

Aminta:
Caucasian woman, 21 - 21.5. Now a destitute (yet hot) peasant, Aminta still holds the steamy sexuality of her days as a youth. Although she has an echo of sadness and distance about her after having lost her soul mate, she must possess an equal blend of raw emotionality and extraordinary physical flexibility. Glorious soprano singing voice. Bring fruit of your choice to audition. No fatties. STARRING ROLE.

Batricio:
Caucasian man, 24 - 25. Aminta’s ex-fiancé. Now a functioning, stoic alcoholic with more than a glimmer of self-righteous rage at being cuckolded. First leftenant of the army hunting Don Juan across the countryside. Must possess domineering gravitas and sexuality and look good in toreador pants.

Rose:
Caucasian woman, 17-19. A sexy gypsy and Electric Boogaloo star. Sweetly gothic, a mystical down to earth-ness, unusually nondescript, and possesses a vulnerable heart of steel. Tall, yet petite. Strong pole dancing experience. A spunky voice, bell-like but with a raspy quality. Must be able to belt as well as sing while hanging upside down from a trapeze and being sprayed by a firehose.

El Fantasma:
Caucasian man, 50-100. Disfigured creature and Don Juan's nemesis, intent on making things happen for him and him alone while having attained the position of affluence in the Spanish court. He thus feels entitled to prominence and distinction. Carrier of a dark secret, he will make sure that nothing and no one gets in his way of taking revenge on Don Juan. Has much pent-up aggression, like a compressed Mel Gibson after a 2-week bender, if you will.

The Doctor:
Caucasian man, age N/A. Sexy Timelord who saves Don Juan from Hell and serves as deus ex machina for any plot holes. Must have an other-worldly essence and goofy charm; an off-kilter attractiveness and character. Preferably last name that rhymes with "pennant."

Time is of the essence. I must accelerate my plans…

Your Angel of Darkness,
O.G.