We do not celebrate this holiday here in France, and I've never been partial to food or group gatherings in the first place. However, in tribute to my American readers, if I have the opportunity, I will be serving "Gerik and Vicomte flambé" tonight.
Now where did I put my skull staff…
Your obedient friend,
O.G.
Gerik!
This young and sexy (or so he's been touted) upstart is using my own Ultimate Pickup Artist techniques against me in an attempt to usurp my throne! Well, not literally, I'm sitting on it right now -- no, not the *porcelain* throne, the -- okay, wait, let me start again.
Gerik!
This would-be dark seducer has adopted my look and my techniques (albeit to a much less refined degree) in an attempt to replace me! Using my own graciously-offered and completely-free advice, he's taken my recent absence as an opportunity to worm his way into my opera house.
He is the Khan to my Kirk! The Moriarty to my Holmes! The Joker to my Batman! The Pepsi to my Coke!
You will curse the day you dared to challenge me, Gerik! I will grind your sunburned face beneath my boot and you talent-less voice will be silenced for all time!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA--*cough cough*
*sniff* Damn this cold…
Your Angel of Darkness,
(the original) O.G.
D'Arcy seems to be ambivalent on what this "opera" of his will ultimately be titled. He recently announced that it is now officially called: "DJ2: F*ck You, Just Give Me Your Money and Shut Up."
It's not very catchy.
Your obedient friend,
O.G.
My warmest thanks for all of you who submitted your videos and photos based on my advice in my first lesson. I literally soiled my trousers with amusement. You'll each be receiving my laundry bill in the post shortly.
Lesson #2: Openers
The hardest thing for a man to do is to engage a woman in a conversation. If you cannot speak to her, you cannot get anywhere. This barrier can be caused by low self-esteem, fear of rejection, or you have a pizza for a face. Regardless, if you want to get the girl, you have to overcome this. There are several ways to do this, but since I don't want to hand-hold you, I'll just give you the most basic one: the hook.
The hook is a question or statement that will catch her attention and cause her to engage you in conversation. Stay away from openers like, "Do you come here often?" or "That's a nice dress you're wearing" or "Does this look infected?" It has to be something that can actually lead somewhere, like, "Your dead father sent me down from heaven to teach you to become a great singer." There's no way that will fetch a simple response.
Thus endeth the lesson.
Your obedient friend,
O.G. (aka The Angel of Music)
Apparently, D'Arcy premiered the first act of his disaster-in-waiting to guests at his private estate on Halloween. This is what an entertainment reporter for Le Matin had to say about the plot:
[…] As for "DJ2: Electric Boogaloo": It's set in the fourteenth century on the Mediterranean coast. Don Juan has been rescued from Hell by Doctor Who's TARDIS and promptly abandoned after he attempts to seduce the Doctor's latest companion. Now on the run from a legion of cuckold husbands, dishonored fathers, and irate brothers, Don Juan dons a mask to hide his identity and terrorizes the countryside as "The F@#king Bandit." Soon, after amassing a great fortune from his conquests, he builds himself a hedonistic resort called The Electric Boogaloo. But at night, he crawls into his lair and makes love to an automaton that looks like his lost soul mate, Aminta.
Meanwhile, the real Aminta has fallen on hard times, having been disowned by her peasant family after abandoning her fiancé for Don Juan a year ago. So she's accepted a high-paying gig as an exotic dancer from a mysterious impresario to open a new pleasure palace. On her first night, she draws back the curtain in her suite and comes face to face with her new employer - flash of lightning, crash of chords - Don Juan!
I nearly choked on my corn flakes when I read that.
Your obedient servant,
O.G.
Naomi Watts
My remarkable constitution seems to be failing me as I get older, so I've been stuck down here in my lair with a case of the sniffles. Madame Giry has been down once a week to keep me apprised of current events, but for the most part, I've been lying in my coffin watching dvds.
This "King Kong" film by Peter Jackson is quite good. Mlle. Watts plays a theatre actress who shows great affection and compassion for a misunderstood creature.
And she has really great legs, too.
Your obedient friend,
O.G.
