An update on Christine and Raoul

I received a letter from Christine the other day. She and the vicomte are still on holiday in Germany but the paparazzi are continuing to pursue them in light of the recent reports of this (completely false) "personal" videotape and the boy's alleged sexual idiosyncrasies. She says the vicomte's entourage is doing its best to keep the media from getting too close, but their mere presence is making it difficult for them to work on their relationship issues.

She did, however, send along this lovely photograph of themselves.



Your obedient servant,
O.G.

Addendum

In my fury, I neglected to emphasise in my last post that the video in question is an outright fraud. Neither I nor Christine are the participants featured in this video.

It also explains where my mannequin disappeared to earlier this month.

There shall be a reckoning, D'Arcy. Mark my words…

Your Angel of Darkness,
O.G.

MERDE!

How DARE that pompous, arrogant, rosbif bastard! I know he's behind this!

Phantom of the Opera Caught in Bootleg Sex Tape
By Richard Chambers
Last updated at 3:19 AM on 28th August 2009

The Daily Mail has just received what appears to be a private sex tape of gorgeous opera superstar Christine Daaé and the mysterious Phantom of the Opera.



An anonymous person, who may be planning on selling the tape over the internet, has allegedly been circulating the tape amongst members of the media.

Representatives of Christine Daaé, currently set to star in Lord D'Arcy's "DJ2: Electric Boogaloo," insist that the tape is a fraud and that Miss Daaé would never participate in such scandalous behaviour.

Did he even consider what this might do to Christine's reputation? And with her and Raoul in Germany trying to mend their relationship away from prying eyes, she cannot even defend herself against such slander!

IT IS WAR BETWEEN US, D'ARCY!

(As if I didn't have enough problems with all these email messages I've been getting addressed to a "MaskedOrganMaster.")

Your Angel of Darkness,
O.G.

Now This is Amusing...

Apparently, D'Arcy's new star has already had some experience in front of the camera:



According to the website, Gerik is selling these videos out of his garage. Perhaps this is how he funds his weekly trips to the spray-tan salon.

Your obedient servant,
O.G.

D'Arcy's Golden Boy

All I hear around the administrative halls these past few weeks is "Gerik this" and "Gerik that." I've half a mind to blow those barrels underneath the torture chamber just to drown out all that annoying fawning.

Apparently, the costs are going towards something other than this Gerik's wardrobe since all his shirts were missing the front half. How I miss Mme Björnson's presence. There was a woman with a true sense of beauty.

I'll have to see what I can uncover about this whelp's background…

Your obedient servant,
O.G.

DJ2 Official Press Announcement

Don Juan 2 is a Hot Mess

In a press conference on the steps of the Paris Opera earlier today, Lord Ambrose D'Arcy confirmed that soprano Christine Daaé and baritone Gerik will star in his new opera, "Don Juan 2: Electric Boogaloo." He informed the press that the production is scheduled to premiere in the middle of the coming opera season, adding, "any more delays and I'll dismiss the entire staff!"
The show, originally scheduled to open the season this September, has been plagued by minor setbacks for the past several months. Many attribute it to the legendary Phantom of the Opera, who allegedly wrote "Don Juan Triumphant," the opera Lord D'Arcy based his sequel upon and does not want his work "compromised" by a sequel. But the composer dismissed such rumblings as backstage gossip.
"Listen to me: there is nothing in Heaven, on Earth, or in the depths of Hell that will prevent my opera from going forward," Lord D'Arcy said as we listened to Ms. Daaé's soaring soprano voice while she and other cast members rehearsed a scene onstage. "Look at that: my music, my actors, my sets. How could any sane person deny the world such perfection?" His collaborator, director Jay Cobbler, noted as they watched Ms Daaé practice her pole dancing technique opposite her stage rival, Rose (played by newcomer Rose Velvetlips), "She's quite talented. I mean, look at that lovely hair."
"She's a delicious little thing," Lord D'Arcy added.

My sense of DJ2 is that it's undoubtedly the most incredible, innovative, and spectacular score the world will ever hear and once it premieres, the demand for it to be added to the repertoire of every opera company around the globe will be immediate.
The show is set a year after the events of the original. Don Juan has escaped from Hell with the unwitting assistance of Doctor Who and finds himself on the run from an army of men dishonoured by his lascivious shenanigans. Donning a mask and amassing a great fortune as "the F@#king Bandit," Don Juan establishes himself as the Grand Master of a hedonistic pleasure resort called The Electric Boogaloo.
Aminta, now an exotic dancer and unaware that her lost love is the puppet master behind the scenes, is invited to perform at the resort. But hot on her heels is her former fiancé, Batricio (played by Anatole Garron) and the mysterious El Fantasma (played by the late Abe Vigoda), who are convinced that she will lead them to their elusive quarry.

We shall see who has the last laugh, D'Arcy…

Your Angel of Darkness,
O.G.

Goodnight Sasha

It has been years since I lost you, but the emptiness in my heart remains. That part of myself that you filled with your unconditional love, your limitless joy, your non-judgemental affection.

Your name was my first word. Your gentle touch, my first laugh.

You were my first friend, Sasha. And you will always be a part of me.

Love,
Erik

Vicomte de Chagny Threatens to Sue Tabloid over Personal Attacks

26 June 2009 (Paris Match) - Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny is livid over the numerous sleazy personal allegations ascribed to him in the British tabloid the Daily Mail. Previous stories included anonymous claims that the Vicomte is having an affair with American actress Angelina Jolie, is an abusive alcoholic, and is a eunuch. Last week, the tabloid reported that Chagny has a fetish for autoerotic asphyxiation and voyeurism.

The charming and popular Vicomte is currently engaged to Christine Daaé, popular Swedish opera singer, although rumors are flying that their relationship is on rocky ground.

Speaking through a family representative, the Gallic hunk says he is greatly embarrassed and aggravated by the tabloid stories which he claims are not true, and his lawyers are currently investigating their legal options.

Your obedient friend,
O.G.

More Tabloid Rumours

I may not be on the best terms with the boy, but even I doubt anyone would believe this rubbish.

Viscount Chagny is a Sex Addict?
By Richard Chambers
Last updated at 8:13 AM on 19th June 2009

An anonymous source informed the Daily Mail that the growing rift between opera superstar Christine Daaé and her fiancé Viscount Raoul Chagny stems from the French nobleman's obsession with voyeurism and autoerotic asphyxiation. Apparently, the seeds for the Viscount's sex addiction originated during the infamous events of Miss Daaé's abduction by the Phantom of the Opera during the premiere performance of "Don Juan Triumphant." Previously thought to merely be backstage gossip, our source claims to have found new evidence of an incident between the Viscount and the Opera Ghost over Christine deep beneath the opera house which involved Chagny suffocating himself with a noose while watching his fiancée get hot and heavy with his arch nemesis.

The source added, "It's all quite scandalous, you understand. I think it would be best for everyone that they separated so that the Viscount's tarnished image would not be linked to someone associated with my-- I mean, Lord D'Arcy's new opera."

Your obedient friend,
O.G.

All is Silent on Lake Averne

After having successfully derailed D'Arcy's project for the time being, there has been little for me to do other than lay the groundwork to destroy it permanently. I am currently delving into the background of this Gerik person to see what deep, dark secrets I can find.

In other news, I took Ayesha's laptop away from her about a month ago after discovering she felt that my checking up on Christine and the Vicomte's relationship was unhealthy. Does she not understand that I am only looking out for my Angel's best interests? And to have the temerity to suggest that she set me up on one of those electronic dating services…

Well, what she doesn't know is that I have been seriously contemplating doing so for a few months, now. I have a first draft in front of me, but am unsure if I should post it.

Bah! Such concerns are trivial if D'Arcy and his cohorts are not stopped from desecrating my magnum opus with their sequel. Back to work…

Your obedient friend,
O.G.

Operation: B!tchslap the Brit - Phase One

D'Arcy's DJ2 Is Delayed
8 May 2009

Lord Ambrose D'Arcy has cancelled next week's press report to launch the promotional blitz for his new opera, DJ2, after being forced to postpone its opening from September to late October, according to a report in the Daily Mail.

According to the London paper, the composer has had to return to the studio to re-record the album, after having learned that all the sheet music provided to the musicians and performers had been transposed in a seemingly random manner. "We were confused at first," said one musician who wished to remain anonymous, "but we figured Lord D'Arcy was going for a cacophony of sound. If he'd bothered to attend a single recording session, we might have avoided all that waste of time."

You're welcome.

Your obedient friend,
O.G.

Gossip

Something is amiss here...

Daaé and Chagny Heading for Split?
By Richard Chambers
Last updated at 1:24 PM on 17th April 2009

They've been flying under the radar lately, and now it sounds like there are rumours of a split in the works for Christine Daaé and Viscount Raoul Chagny.

The opera songstress and her aristocrat fiancé are reportedly having a rough go at romance due to the Viscount's alleged dalliances with American actress Angelina Jolie - so much so, that it looks like they'll be calling off the engagement soon.

An inside source told the Daily Mail that they're "struggling with trust issues. They're arguing all the time, and Christine feels he isn't the man she once knew."

And this seems to be the case - reports of drunkenness, abusive behaviour, and castration, albeit unsubstantiated, are suddenly pouring forth from anonymous sources.

All of this to say it won't be surprising if we hear an official breakup announcement soon. A Daaé pal revealed, "The relationship has been over for awhile, but she's too sweet a girl to end things completely."

Your obedient friend,
O.G.

DJ2 Update: "Objective" Media Reports

I believe D'Arcy has already started paying off the press, or at least giving advanced insight to those whom he holds sway. I found this article -- penned by that atrocious critic Harrison -- in a London paper:

Watch out for opera darling Christine Daaé and hot newcomer Gerik, who are all but set to open as the leads in DJ2: F*ck You, Just Give Me Your Money and Shut Up, the sequel to Don Juan Triumphant. Lord Ambrose D'Arcy's wide-ranging score has a mix of soaring romantic songs, hip-hop and gentlemen's club style songs. DJ2 will open at the Paris Opera with an official first night on September 14 (no word yet on when previews will begin), and will have its marketing launch in the middle of June, with tickets going on sale at that time. Director Jay Cobbler will begin rehearsals in Summer.

The score is absolutely thrilling, truly D'Arcy's latest magnum opus. It's going to be the biggest theatrical event Paris has seen when it opens the opera season this Autumn. D'Arcy will officially announce the show on May 14.

Your Angel of Darkness,
O.G.

Chagny Returns

The Vicomte returned from his extended humanitarian aid trip to New Guinea a few days ago amidst much scandal. Apparently upon his arrival, he has been hounded by journalists demanding comment on the numerous accounts of he and the American actress Angelina Jolie spending time with one another over the past three months.

His first stop (not that I track his every movement) was the Opera where he demanded to see Christine. Rumour has it that things have gone a bit frigid between the two of them since neither received any correspondence from the other the entire time -- I swear I had nothing to do with that, by the way.

I am curious to see where this leads, only because I care so much about my dear Christine and do not want to see her heart broken. Unfortunately, I have few means to comfort or reassure her personally, since she has ceased her voice lessons with me since last week. I suspect some villainy on D'Arcy's part.

Your obedient friend,
O.G.

They cast WHO?!?!?!?

My dear readers, it is official. I have learned that my nemesis, Lord D'Arcy and his co-conspirator, my other nemesis Jay Cobbler, have decided to cast my ULTIMATE nemesis Gerik, in his Don Juan sequel. He will play opposite Christine and the opera is scheduled to open the season this Fall. All my enemies have united against me! Surely this is some test of my resolve, pitting me against so many foes. Or perhaps I've landed in a Batman movie. I haven't decided quite yet.

Investigations have also weeded out casting notices, shedding light on the characters and more in this sham of an opera:

Seeking

Don Juan:
Caucasian man, 25 - 29. Recently rescued from Hell, he burns with the flames of hot, naked sexuality as he ravishes the Mediterranean coast as "The F*cking Bandit" and rises to become the maestro of a hedonistic pleasure resort called the Electric Boogaloo. Must possess effortless sensuality and sexuality. Chest hair a plus. Singing voice optional. STARRING ROLE.

Aminta:
Caucasian woman, 21 - 21.5. Now a destitute (yet hot) peasant, Aminta still holds the steamy sexuality of her days as a youth. Although she has an echo of sadness and distance about her after having lost her soul mate, she must possess an equal blend of raw emotionality and extraordinary physical flexibility. Glorious soprano singing voice. Bring fruit of your choice to audition. No fatties. STARRING ROLE.

Batricio:
Caucasian man, 24 - 25. Aminta’s ex-fiancé. Now a functioning, stoic alcoholic with more than a glimmer of self-righteous rage at being cuckolded. First leftenant of the army hunting Don Juan across the countryside. Must possess domineering gravitas and sexuality and look good in toreador pants.

Rose:
Caucasian woman, 17-19. A sexy gypsy and Electric Boogaloo star. Sweetly gothic, a mystical down to earth-ness, unusually nondescript, and possesses a vulnerable heart of steel. Tall, yet petite. Strong pole dancing experience. A spunky voice, bell-like but with a raspy quality. Must be able to belt as well as sing while hanging upside down from a trapeze and being sprayed by a firehose.

El Fantasma:
Caucasian man, 50-100. Disfigured creature and Don Juan's nemesis, intent on making things happen for him and him alone while having attained the position of affluence in the Spanish court. He thus feels entitled to prominence and distinction. Carrier of a dark secret, he will make sure that nothing and no one gets in his way of taking revenge on Don Juan. Has much pent-up aggression, like a compressed Mel Gibson after a 2-week bender, if you will.

The Doctor:
Caucasian man, age N/A. Sexy Timelord who saves Don Juan from Hell and serves as deus ex machina for any plot holes. Must have an other-worldly essence and goofy charm; an off-kilter attractiveness and character. Preferably last name that rhymes with "pennant."

Time is of the essence. I must accelerate my plans…

Your Angel of Darkness,
O.G.

DJ2 update

This update is a bit overdue, but I thought I should post it nevertheless in case some of you were interested in where my investigations were currently.

Last month, Ayesha boldly infiltrated Lord D'Arcy's estate and succeeded in deleting the entire score off of his computers. She also absconded with a file apparently dealing with this new opera [sic] before being spotted and fleeing the property. I was quite pleased when I found the documents outside my door.

My mood was short-lived after opening the package, which detonated a dye pack within and stained my hands, suit, and mask in bright pink ink. At the bottom of the package was a note that read as follows:

Hahahahaha you FOOL! You dare try to sabotage my new opera?!? Did you not think I would be prepared for your meddling in my affairs? You have sorely underestimated me, my boy, for you fell victim to one of the world's classic blunders: Never go in against D'Arcy when there's fame, fortune, and a casting couch on the line!

I will always be one step ahead of you. You may have bested managers, stagehands, divas, and viscounts in the past, but you are sorely mistaken if you think you'll succeed against a LORD!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… HAHAHAHAHAhahaha… haha… ha… *whew*

Lord Ambrose D'Arcy

Seriously, who *writes* maniacal laughter? Clearly the man is unbalanced. And when teamed with that gaudy American director, Cobbler, perhaps I do have a less than easy task on my hands.

I shall endeavour to keep close eye on Christine to be sure she is not drawn too deeply into their schemes.

Your obedient servant,
O.G.

O.G.: The Ultimate Pickup Artist - Part Trois

Case Study: The Bounce

Today's topic is a concept referred to as the "Bounce." To "bounce," is to take the object of your interest on an instant date, moving them from where you are to another location.

It's actually easier to show this rather than describe it, so I've included a video for demonstrative purposes.



Man #1 starts off well enough, starting off with a solid hook to draw the young woman into a conversation. He does have a bit of a handicap considering he has a prior history with her to draw on, but even that can only get you so far. Notice how she pulls back after the brief embrace (did she feel something inappropriate on his part downstairs? Keep your hormones under control students!) and he immediately resumes a nostalgic narrative in order to maintain the connection. He's rushing a bit in attempting kino escalation (more on this in another lesson) -- notice how he starts to touch her shoulders and play with her hair -- but she doesn't seem put out by it. His big mistake is attempting a bounce (inviting her to supper, in this case) without a stronger comfort zone established. She clearly offers up something of importance to her in conversation, but he completely ignores it. His game not only goes downhill from there, it jumps off a cliff.

In comparison, Man #2 starts off by firmly demonstrating his higher value by initiating an AMOG (Alpha Male Other Guy) move, essentially locking Man #1 out of competition (typically, this is done in the competitor's presence, but the result here is the same). The woman responds with clear IOIs (Indicators of Interest), demonstrating a solid comfort zone has been established between the two. It is at this point that Man #2 initiates the bounce, and is successful and the PFC (Poor Frustrated Chump) named Man #1 is left wondering what the hell happened. And that took all of 2 minutes! THAT's a master pick-up artist at work.

Thus endeth the lesson.

Your obedient friend,
O.G. (aka The Angel of Music)

St. Valentine's Day

This day confuses me. What is the correlation between a beheaded priest and sending flowers and chocolates to someone you love? And when you try to give a more appropriate gift, people call the gendarmes. Society truly confuses me sometimes.

Anyway, the general consensus is that this is a day for romance. I think of myself as a romantic, but despite my reputation of being a "stunning sexual master" (I'm not sure who exactly said that or what they were snorting at the time), I have never really had anyone to share this day with. Sure, I have my mannequin, but it's just not the same, as I'm sure you can understand. I am one who loves deeply and completely. Some call it stalking. I prefer to think of it as devotion.

But as much as it pains me to say, I'm not sure there will ever be anything between Christine and me again. She is completely devoted to the Vicomte and even these rumors of a liason between himself and the American actress will not shake her faith. And all my efforts to comfort her have been rebuffed. I'm not sure if she feels I am attempting to take advantage of the situation or if she simply does not want to be reminded of it more than she already is due to the paparazzi's constant harassment.

So what is a older man like myself supposed to do? I might not be the best catch, but I think I'm okay.

I enjoy the theatre.
I enjoy candlelight.
I enjoy fine wines.
I own a fully-furnished lakeside property.
I have a lavish (if somewhat lethal) home-entertainment system.

Perhaps I should place an ad in the local newspaper's Singles section.

Your obedient servant,
O.G.

Trouble in Paradise?

De Chagny's timing is impeccable as always...

---

Jolie Jilts Pitt for Frenchie?
MSNBC
Updated: 10:13 p.m. PT February 7, 2009

Brangelina no more?

With the former World's Sexiest Man Alive off shooting "Ocean's 14" through "Ocean's 37" back-to-back, it appears that Jolie has found a new companion in the handsome and dashing Viscount Raoul Chagny.

According to witnesses, the American actress/U.N. Refugee Agency's Goodwill Ambassador/international adoption agency and the French aristocrat have been spotted working very closely together as they participate in Bono's Domiciles for Dwarves program in New Guinea. Reps for both Jolie and Chagny had no comment.

Could this mark the end of Hollywood's ubercouple and the opera world's fairytale romance?

---

Your obedient friend,
O.G.

Elation and Trepidation

I've been in a creative frenzy since Madame Giry had Meg explain that the incident I'd seen between my Christine and Gerik was completely one-sided and unwelcome. Apparently, Christine was a bit tipsy (as was related in Madame's inebriated ramblings later that evening) and the villain had caught her at a particularly vulnerable moment. I still have yet to speak to her, since apparently she had learned that I saw them and is too embarrassed to be in my presence for now.

I've also had some time to delve further into my investigations into D'Arcy's pet project and had a look at the costumes for the new “opera.” The only one being worked on at the time appeared to be a recreation of Christine's Aminta costume from my opera -- although it was obviously "altered":



Where is the rest of her skirt?!? That cad D'Arcy, to subject my Angel to wearing that! Why, just picturing Christine in such a revealing costume makes me so furious! My dear, innocent Angel's toned and graceful calves so blatantly displayed, her milky white thighs bared for all to see… um… uh… what was I saying?

Oh yes, D'Arcy! I've decided that I must learn more about this project of his, so I've dispatched Ayesha (fresh off her "Ra's Al Ghul's League of Shadows' "Infiltration Made Easy" correspondence course) to sneak into D'Arcy's estate and see what she can learn.

Your obedient servant,
O.G.

A slow week

I've been in a rather somber mood ever since the beginning of the year. Ayesha still isn't speaking to me and I've made a conscious effort to stay away from Christine. Even making Carlotta sound like Minnie Driver in "GoldenEye" during her most recent performance couldn't lighten my spirits.

And I really miss my monkey. I fear I must have done something with it during my alcohol-induced blackout, but for the life of me, I cannot remember anything.

Your obedient servant,
O.G.

Fallout

My dear readers, the unthinkable has happened. My Angel has broken my heart again.

I had thought that with the Vicomte having left for far-away New Guinea, the Masquerade Ball would be a chance for Christine and I to rekindle the connection we once had. Unfortunately, things did not turn out as I had hoped.

I was later than usual making my entrance at the Ball. Not for psychological impact, but because due to my recent illness I'd let myself go and realized to my horror upon donning my Red Death tights that I had muffin top. But I'm otherwise still skeletal! What cruel hand has God dealt me now?!?

Well, after that brief trauma (I had to resort to wearing a girdle), I finally slipped unnoticed into the subscriber's rotunda through one of the secret passageways minutes before midnight. The ball was already at its height, and the revelers were clearly three sheets to the wind. I saw the managers, Firmin in his typical conservative costume and André -- apparently indulging his "creative" side -- foregoing his skeleton tights for what amounted to little more than a couple of black rectangles. I refuse to say more because it only brings the horrific image of it back into my mind.

I spotted Meg at one end the Grand Foyer, surrounded by a number of -- I hesitate to refer to them as "gentlemen" due to all the leering they were doing at Madame's little girl. But apparently she had a friend of hers nearby (I recognized him as the fellow in the colorful clown costume), so I knew she was safe. I even caught a glace at Madame Giry looking extremely inebriated and apparently trying to pick a fight with someone in a dual-sex costume who was taking liberties with his hands while in the company of one of her dancers. But at three minutes to midnight, my Angel was still nowhere to be found. I swiftly made my way through the crowd as the seconds counted down, desperate to find Christine before midnight struck. Five… four… three… two… one…

And then amidst the crowd at the bottom of the main staircase, I saw her. Her lips pressed against those of a man dressed in scarlet red breeches, black jackboots and a rapier.

GERIK!!!!!!!

Why God why?!?

Unable to bear the sight (and throwing up in my mask a little), I ran off, losing myself in the crowd. After that, everything got a bit hazy. I think I had a drink or seven, but mostly succeeded in dribbling a good portion of it down the front of my costume (it's hard to aim for one's mouth while wearing such a large mask as I was). Of course, since I didn't eat beforehand, the alcohol immediately accosted my system like Lord D'Arcy at one of his chorus girl auditions and everything went blank. Although I do remember attempting to drown my sorrows in the company of three rather quiet ladies with long curly tresses like Christine's. The newspapers apparently chronicled the rest.

Now that my hangover is gone, I'm attempting to assess things, starting with my home. I suddenly feel like the three bears from that children's tale…

And where is my monkey music box?

Your obedient servant,
O.G.

Why is that cockroach shuffling so loudly?

Last night was not one of my better nights. My tarot cards foresee a setback with Dr. Schneider…

---

Man with Mannequin Fetish Arrested
2/1/2009 03h19

PARIS, France (AFP) - A man dressed in an elaborate Red Death costume was arrested and jailed early yesterday morning after breaking into Printemps and absconding with three female mannequins dressed in lingerie, gendarmes said.

The unidentified man was found unconscious in a side alley surrounded by said figures when he was taken into custody. "He kept mumbling about dungeons of despair and the like," one officer reported. "He's obviously just some drunk loony who has had his heart broken at a New Year's party."

Mysteriously, the suspect vanished from his cell shortly after being booked. His current whereabouts are unknown.

---

Your hungover angel,
O.G.